Raising Daughters: We Can't Do This Work Alone
On the street where I live, my family of six keeps to the backyard for our outdoor play. There are no cars to worry about back there. No dogs. No strangers. It's safe. And when I stop and think about it, over the past four years of living on my street, I have rarely seen a single child playing in the front yard in my neighborhood.
Cut to the COVID Pandemic. A strange phenomenon happened once the Arizona governor declared a "shelter-in-place" order the spring of 2020. As my children and I sat in the front living room watching TV after dinner one evening, we counted fifteen children walking by our home with their parents. For the next couple of days, instead of watching SurvivorMan (which is an awesome show to watch with your kids, BTW), we watched our street come alive with families. With a little encouragement and a lot of searching for that one missing shoe, my family and I stepped out into the street and joined in. It became a nightly routine (and a sort of spiritual practice in community-connecting, quite honesty).
Once we all acquired masks, we even started to form socially-distanced, front-yard meetups, reviewing the day and discussing the news. I've met five new mothers on my street over the past several weeks. Five mothers whose lives have been disrupted. Five mothers who are tired of monitoring screen time. Five mothers who are feeling overwhelmed with all the togetherness. Five mothers I get to lock eyes with and wordlessly communicate: I see you. You are not alone.
“I see you. You are not alone.”
The isolation resulted in a forced slowing down and a falling away of both distractions and safety. In my private practice as a registered dietitian, common themes presented themselves in client sessions.
I saw a liberation of sorts, hearing remarks like:
For once in my life, I’m comfortable because I’m wearing my yoga pants all day, not trying to fit myself into restrictive business attire. I stopped prioritizing how I looked and chose clothing based on comfort, fit, and function.
The limited choice at the grocery store has made my grocery trips less stressful. I used to spend so much time comparing labels and being worried I was going to “choose wrong”. Now, I’m happy to get what I can find. Getting enough became the focus.
There was also a shadow side:
The loudest voices win. Women and girls spending hours on social media, exposed to constant messages that warned against the threat of the “Quarantine 15” and “COVID 19” weight gain invites a preoccupation with diet and exercise.
We were cut off from community. The loss of outside adults (a favorite teacher) and peer support (sport teams, after school clubs) was a loss for the youth. The loss of break room check-ins, sideline chats, and community meet-up closures (wine bars, coffee shops, and playground with their bench perch).
Self-objectification. Staring at our image on endless Zoom calls, with the brewing of self-critical thoughts of our appearance and a sense of falling under a constant, collective gaze.
“What was a mother to do?”
I felt a call to action. I wanted to create a new space of connection and support, elevating the life-affirming lessons and dismantling the fear-based messages.
I’ve said it before, but it’s worth saying again. Here's what I know to be true: feeling isolated makes mothering hard. I believe other mothers are the most powerful resources we can draw upon to help us safely shepherd our kids through childhood and adolescence. Finding just one other mother to share the journey can have a positive impact.
Because of this knowing, I was inspired to start The Brave Body Virtual Camp for Girls and Support Circle for Moms. This mother-daughter group met weekly to learn about the real truth when it comes to health, beauty, value, worth, and identity for girls and women. Not what culture said it was.. Not what Instagram or Facebook were telling us. It was daughters meeting together, sharing and hearing each other stories so they could see “you’re not alone. It’s not just you.” And mothers, doing the same.
Reach out through email if you'd like to be added to the waitlist for the next Brave Body Virtual Camp for Girls.