A Resolution For True Well-Being.
‘Tis the season to be bombarded with the seductive invitation to pursue weight loss. The resolve to “lose weight” is all part of the “New Year, New You” rhetoric of our consumer culture.
The weight on a scale tells us several things: (1) our body’s relationship with gravity and (2) risk for mistreatment in the workplace, the dating scene, the medical field, etc.
What your weight does NOT tell you is your worth, your gifting, your values, your health.
Listen. We have endured a lot of change in 2020. I’m not here to minimize any of it. But let’s tell a bigger story. It is not only the size of our bodies that may have shifted. It’s also our work schedules, workout schedules, mental health, physical health, spiritual health, access to food, access to community, income. There is an armload of factors that have influenced our well-being.
So, why do we pick on our darling bodies?
Hmmm…who benefits from our insecurities? The answer is lots of people. Here are three examples:
Friends who think diet talk and body bashing are the only acceptable way to connect (benefit: faux-friendship and sense of belonging). There is a part in all of us that is desperate to be accepted. The pursuit of weight loss is an easy ticket into most groups. A reader of this newsletter said it well in an exchange we had last week, “The commiseration doesn’t bring us closer together. It stokes fear.” Truth!
The Diet and Fitness Industries make billions of dollars when we try and try again at the next best thing (benefit: money from our bank account into theirs).
Your yesterday’s self who is looking to place blame on today’s discomfort and suffering (benefit: avoiding discomfort, aka coping).
I’m not saying something that hasn’t been said before. But, maybe you are hearing all this for the first time or perhaps you are hearing it in a new way.
Your body is not the problem. People are in pain. There is real brokenness in our world.
We are misguided to think, “If my body were smaller, all my problems would go away.”
Pain, both physical and emotional, is real AND it is not helpful to battle against the body. If you are unhappy with your life and have been taught to blame your weight, it would make sense to focus on trying to lose weight. If you have been shamed, bullied, and harmed because of your size, it makes sense to focus on weight loss.
We live in a fat phobic society. We’ve been taught that dieting works. However, wielding power over your body by restricting it from nourishment has some potential harmful effects.
I’d like to share a couple of things about weight and the pursuit of weight loss.
Full disclosure: I have a bias towards weight inclusivity, embracing body diversity, radical grace, and letting our bodies change.
Here we go:
Weight does not equal health. Our society is under the impression that thin equals healthy and fat equals unhealthy. This is false. There are people who are thin and unhealthy and fat and healthy (and vice versa). You cannot determine a person’s health by looking at the outside of their body. Case in point: There is not one disease that only affects fat bodies.
Body weight is defended by a powerful biological system that reacts to a negative energy balance (dieting) by lowering metabolism (hormonal adaptation), increasing hunger, increasing food preoccupation (thinking about food), and enhancing hedonic responses to food (see the Keys study – full detail and colorful review). Your body wants to defend your life. You may call it “failure to lose weight”. I call it “Good job body, you survived. It’s the reason you are here right now, reading this post.”
By focusing on following a prescriptive eating plan to lose weight, you are (a) signing up to keep doing the same thing you have tried numerous times before without long term “success” (remember: your perceived weight loss failure is your body’s success at keeping you alive, thank goodness) and (b) you might inadvertently be pushing away from making true self-care choices and, worst case scenario, heading down the perilous path towards disordered eating.
Will I ever shame or try to take away someone’s wishes to be thin? Heck no. But I will forever encourage people to be kind and compassionate to themselves no matter their size. I will forever do what I can to help all people care for their “today’s body” in a sustainable, safe way. I’m all about helping people see more options. Having a sense of agency (the ability to act independently and to make your own choices) is part of being well.
If you are looking for alternative New Year’s Resolutions, may I suggest the following?
The resolution to understanding my sources of suffering.
The resolution to practice any grieving that may need to happen around accepting my today’s body.
The resolution of identifying and examining the coping strategies I’ve picked up and the possibility of adding more to my toolbox.
The resolution to not do this work alone.
The resolution to find a person or community to support me in caring for myself in a new and different way.
The resolution to expose myself to stories of people who have survived pain, loss, and suffering. One of my favorites books is The Choice. And my daughter and I are planning to read I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings. Here is a list of books about overcoming adversity.